OUR SELF-HELP BOOK CAVEAT
No book is the right book for everyone. You can tell it's the right book for you when you pick it up and can't put it down. Even in a great self-help book, you'll find parts to which you don't relate. Skip those sections. If you can't get into the book, then don't read it. We've put down many books only to find them again at a later more appropriate time. Don't feel obligated to read a book from cover to cover. Skip around if it keeps you more interested. If a book is recommended to you by three or more people, you're probably getting a cosmic shoulder tap and might want to pay attention!
BOOKS ON MAY DECEMBER RELATIONSHIPS
Though the husband is 14 or more years older than the wife in nearly 900,000 American marriages and the number of women marrying younger men is rapidly on the rise, there isn't a single, solitary book out there addressing the May-December relationship. While we are writing our book, this website responds to the needs of age gap couples by providing tips, tools, and secrets for creating -- and sustaining --a successful romance in all seasons.
BOOKS TO HELP IN FIND THE RIGHT RELATIONSHIP:
BOOKS TO HELP YOU IN A RELATIONSHIP:
Allrighty then, shall we talk about ED (as in Bob Dole and Viva Viagra - not the talking horse Mr. Ed)? Katie Couric made history having her colonoscopy filmed to help people get comfortable with discussing colons. So we’re going to plunge into the topic of erectile dysfunction (ED) right here right now. Let’s get blogging!
Gayle posted an answer to a question in a May-December forum to which she belongs. The question was about how age gapped couples were dealing with ED. The couple wanted to try other options before getting a prescription medication. Our experience and training tell us that you don’t have to have a significant age difference or be a senior citizen to encounter ED. We’ll talk more about this topic in future blogs. For now, here is the text of Gayle’s answer.
First of all, I know this can be a tough one for both of you. I’m glad you can come here for some advice. Anyone who has been there knows the stress of ED just compounds the problem. Here’s what I’ve got to share on the subject:
1. Even if you partner is under age 50, this book has some wonderful information in it…
2. Talk to a doctor, you’ve always got to rule out “mechanical” issues.
3. Search on Yohimbine and see what you think. It’s available in places like Vitamin World and I know some urologists prescribe it for men with ED.
4. Alcohol makes it worse - not better as many people think.
5. Talking about the situation is best done OUTSIDE the bedroom, but talking about it when you are NOT trying to have sex can be very helpful.
6. Be gentle with each other. It’s happening to both of you. How you deal with each other in the beginning can have a marked impact on future sexual encounters.
7. It’s okay to get help. Talk to a therapist (either one or both of you.)
The key is to trust people to be who they are. Instead we trust people
to be who want them to be, and when they aren’t we cry.
I just posted an entry about building trust on the website for my counseling practice. It is so relevant to relationship building, I decided to share the link here. The question “how do I build trust/faith in myself” was posed to me. Read the answer here.
I'd like to introduce you guys to my mom and my step-dad. Here is their picture. They had a 15 year age difference. The pic was taken in 1976. My father had died 5 years earlier leaving her a widow at the young age of 54. The age gap between my mom and dad was 8 DAYS. My mother died 5 years ago shortly before her 85th birthday and what would have been her 28th wedding anniversary with my step-father.
Now, 5 years later, my step-father enjoys dating a variety of women closer to his own age. We just celebrated his 76th birthday. I guess my mom was a cougar long before it was cool. Their 15 year age difference worked beautifully and was full and complete is EVERY way. The only problem they had is that sometimes HE had a hard time keeping up with her. I can hear her wonderful and much missed laugh as I type these words. She would have had a ball with the concept of being a "cougar.".
I'm sorry I digressed, what was the question? Something about "what could he possibly see in a woman 18 years older who is his mother's age"....
What to know a secret? It's one we've been diligent about putting into practice in our May-December marriage, but it's one that will enhance ANY relationship.
Learn to listen to, hear, and understand your partner. Want to know why this is so incredibly important? A very wise supervisor of ours from years ago gave us the following definition for self-esteem:
We've put the definition to the test both personally and professionally. It works. You'll never settle an argument (for once and for all) or work through difficult issues unless both you and partner believe you've been heard and understood by each other.
You're going to have to work at this one. Saying "I understand" is NOT enough. It take real understanding. How will you know you've got it? First, if you're thinking your partner is crazy, irrational, stubborn, nuts, selfish, a pig or something similar you're not there yet. Second, when you get there you'll see it in your partner's eyes. It may start as a look of surprise. After a while you'll recognize it as the look of love.
Secrets to creating a successful May December relationship. Ron Lambert and Gayle Luster are counselors, but more importantly they have been married to each other for 21 years and have a 15 year age difference. They share their personal and professional secrets with you in this blog. They have a private counseling practice and are writing the definitive book on age gap relationships!