Sunday, June 1, 2008

Some Things Are The Same (by Ron)

You meet someone who is considerably older or younger than you. There is a spark between you, interest, curiosity, attraction. For these and other reasons you begin to get to know each other and before you know it your interest has turned into something much deeper and you find yourself in an age-gap relationship.

I remember the early days of the relationship between Gayle and me. Aside from the fact that there were tumultuous days at times, most were surprisingly normal. Of course there were some interesting issues because of our age differences, but for the most part the progression of our growth followed patterns similar to the growth of any new relationship.

When we decided to move in together we had problems getting used to having the other person in our space 24/7. Since we did not merge our finances until much later we had to determine how we were going to share the expenses. How were we going to share the chores around the house? Who cooked? Who cleaned? Who did the grocery shopping? Did we do our own laundry or combine it? Who drove when we went somewhere together, etc.

Does this sound familiar? If you are in an age-gap relationship then you have probably experienced similar situations. If there is no significant age gap in your relationship you have probably experienced similar situations. Isn’t that interesting? Of course there are some unique situations in an age-gap relationship but, surprisingly, the beginnings of all relationships follow patterns similar to those I mentioned above. The relative ages of the partners have little or no bearing on most of them.

Society today likes to fixate on age differences in relationships. “Oh, he or she is too old for her/him. It will never work! She’s after his money! She's his trophy wife!” In some relationships these may be true. In the vast majority of the millions of age-gap relationshps in the U.S., the couples are together for the same reason as most couples; they met and fell in love. Love knows no age difference. It's our thinking that trips us up. When we start blaming the problems on age, we automatically rule out a solution. You can't change your age, but you can change your mind.

No comments: